Every night my dad asks, Johnny are you sleeping? Then I say No and then he slaps my face and gives me a black eye.So the teacher says to him, Tonight when your dad asks again, keep dead quiet and dont say a word.The following morning Little Johnny comes to school and no black eye, so the teacher breathes a sigh of relief. Thats good to know, he says, Because I havent done my homework.During the concert little Johnny sits in the front row waiting for the concert to begin.A friend asks: Johnny, how did you manage to get a ticket to the concert?Johnny replies: I got a ticket from my sister.The friend asks: And where is your sister?Johnny says: Back at home, looking for her ticket.Little Johnnys new sibling was crying and screaming for hours.He asked his parents where they got him from.They reply, Oh, we got him straight from heaven.Johnny said, Jeez. class remember it We were watching the neighbour take his garbage out when his bin tipped over spilling rubbish all over the driveway, dad said its going to take the contagious to pick all that up.Teacher: Does anybody know what we call a person who keeps talking when nobody else is interested?Little Johnny: A teacher miss.Teacher: Little Johnny, how do you spell elephant?Little Johnny: E-L-E-F-A-N-TTeacher: No Johnny, that in incorrect.Johnny: Maybe it is wrong Miss but you asked how I spell it.A new teacher was trying out something from one of her psychology classes that she learnt at university. Later that afternoon, Johnnys dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. We can play that game!A father asked his son, Little Johnny, if he knew about the birds and the bees. I dont want to know! Little Johnny said, exploding and bursting into tears. 15. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, Tell me, April, who created the universe?. The Teacher fainted. When April didnt stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. Little Johnny Jokes Top 50 Jokes about Little Johnny Johnny was in the playground with his friend Jimmy, when he noticed the brand new shiny watch Jimmy was wearing. That would be very unfair!Johnny is relieved. Crunt? Hes a jewel thief.The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students.Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?Im in love. the boy replied.Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, With whom?With you! he said.But Johnny, she said gently, dont you see how silly that is? Copyright eSmartass 2013 - 2014. Shocked, the teacher, trying to retain her composure says, "Wow, Johnny, four syllables, that certainly is a mouthful" Confused, his father asked Little Johnny what was wrong. Not wanting to be outdone Johnny says " I know a four syllable word, pick me.." Liked these funny Little Johnny jokes? Do you really think you are stupid?Johnny replies No Miss, but I hated seeing you standing there all by yourself.Johnny: Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?Dad: No son, why do you ask?Johnny: Well where did you find our mummy?Little Johnnys teacher is doing her rounds at lunchtime when she sees little Johnny pulling faces at another child. Later that evening as Johnnys mother cooks dinner, a cockroach run across the kitchen floor. When it comes to little Johnny jokes, Johnny is always getting picked on by other people. 7. Johnny said, Well, the cars not real either., Read more: Fast and Crazy Car Jokes and Puns. 5. My television doesnt pick it up., 16. The cashier said, Theres no way I can take this. These cookies track visitors across websites and collect information to provide customized ads. This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Little Lucy went next. Wanna take the joke a little far? Mooooom???!! He keeps asking us!And, Johnny? At school, Little Johnnys classmate tells him that most adults are hiding at least one dark secret, so its very easy to blackmail them by saying, I know the whole truth. Little Johnny decides to go home and try it out. Johnny pokes her in the ass with the pin again and Sally screams if you stick that thing in me one more time Im gonna break it! The teacher faints. Me, my mum and my dad, we sleep on the same bed. No Maam, your thinking of blow job, and that's only two syllables. He jumped out before it crashed but could only take a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. The teacher called Little Johnny to her desk. "No!". Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers . The teacher found this surprising because she didnt know he was a detective. Little Johnny said, "Easy. Oh Pop, Johnny sobbed, For me there was no Santa Claus at age six, no Easter Bunny at seven, and no Tooth Fairy at eight. Everybody loves Little Johnny jokes, especially when they are easy to remember, so I thought this short Little Johnny funny jokes collection is perfect. Little Johnny walks into school one day to find a substitute in place of his regular teacher.She says, Hello class, Im Mrs Prussy. ?He replied, I saw a great TV ad. She jumps and stomps on it, and then looks up to find Little Johnny and her husband watching her. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.Teacher: Now Little Johnny, be honest, do you say your prayers every night before dinner?Johnny: No miss, my mother is a really good cook.Johnny: Dad, have you ever been to Egypt?Dad: No son, why do you ask?Johnny: Well where did you find our mummy?Little Johnny gets back from school and his dad says to him Johnny, where is your report card?Johnny replies sorry dad, I dont have it.His father is furious and says why not?Johnny replies I lent it to my friend, he wanted to scare his parents.. Saturday. Where on earth did you pick it up? From my father. said Johnny. A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Why was the pig given a red card at the football game? Mum was breathing heavy and kicking her legs all over the place..Then my dad asks me mum: Are you coming? Then my mum says, Yes Im coming, are you coming too? and my dad answered Yes.They dont usually go anywhere without me, so i said Wait for meLittle Sally comes home from school one day and says to her mom, Mommy, mommy, you wont believe it! ), or just manually add the email addresses you'd like to keep in your contact list. If I put two apples on your desk, then two more, and then two more, how many apples would you have?Johnny says, Six.The teacher says, Good, now if I give you two cats, and Jimmy gives you two more, and then Sally gives you two more, how many cats would you have?Johnny again says, Seven.The teacher, obviously frustrated, yells at Johnny, Why do you keep saying seven? Then Johnny comes back to the beach. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, "No honey for you for one month!" Later that afternoon, Johnny's dad catches him tearing the wings off a butterfly. When you say my name class remember it has an r after the first letter.The entire class says, Hello Mrs Prussy.A few days later the regular teacher is still sick when Little Johnny gets to his desk the teacher asks what her name is.Johnny thinks hard and says to the teacher, I remember it has an r after the first letter.Thats right! she coaxed.Then after a few seconds, Little Johnny says, Mrs Crunt?My teacher said, If you think about anything long enough, it gets easier.I said, I dont know about that Miss.Last night I was thinking about you for a bit and it just got harder.Little Johnny asks, Mommy, where do babies come from?His mother replies, The stork brings them.Little Johnny, puzzled, asks, Then who fucks the stork?Tell me, Johnny said his teacher, if your father borrowed $100 and promises to pay $10 a week, how much will he owe in 7 weeks?One hundred dollars, said Johnny.Im afraid you dont know your math very well, said the teacher.I may not know my math, said Johnny, but I know my father.Little Johnny was crying one day, and his dad asked him why.Ive lost five cents, sobbed Johnny.Dont worry, said his dad kindly. Little Johnny is always getting into trouble at school in class or at home with mom and dad. Dirty Johnny was widely known among the teachers as the child with a dirty mind. Hes a thief.Teacher: How far have you gone with your homework Johnny?Little Johnny: About 8 kilometers miss. But I dont want a child.Oh, dont worry, the boy said reassuringly, Ill use a condom!One, day little Johnny asks his father,Daddy where do I come from?The mother and father, had been preparing for this, for a very long time.Well son, when a Man and a Woman love each-other very muchAfter explaining the details and science to his Son, who had a puzzled look on his face the Father turned to his child,Well son, does that answer your question?Not really Susan from school told me she came from Italy.A teacher asks the kids in her 3rd grade class: What do you want to be when yougrow up?Little Johnny says: I wanna start out as a Fighter Pilot, then be a billionaire, go to the most expensive clubs, find me the finest Prostitute, give her a Ferrari worth over a million bucks, an apartment in Copacabana, a mansion in Paris, a jet to travel throughout Europe, an Infinite Visa Card, and all the while bang her like a loose screen door in a hurricane.The teacher, shocked and not knowing what to do with this horrible response from little Johnny, decides not to acknowledge what he said and simply tries to continue with the lesson. See more. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy. I told her yesterday that I had to go to your funeral.When asked what he wanted to be when he grew up,Little Johnny said, A detective. Not really sure what was going on, she showed Little Johnny. Dirty Little Johnny. Your teacher is coming, hide and I will say you arent here.No, Little Johnny replied you go hide. 145 Short Dirty Jokes That Bring More Adult Humor Short dirty jokes might come in handy when you have nothing to do and want to ask acquaintances or close ones who share your thoughts. Johnny poked her in the ass again with a pin and she screams my god! And falls back to sleep.Later the teacher asks Sally what Eve said to Adam after they had their fourth child. Following is our collection of the best Little Johnny jokes for kids. Four plus four, that son of a bitch is eight.His mum overhears this and is shocked! an apple replied little Raymond no, said the teacher its a tomato but it shows your thinking. Ive now got something round, a greenish colored you can eat it. An apple, replied little Ian No its an onion, but it shows your thinking. Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class says Ive got something under my desk thats an inch long, white and it has a red end. Dirty little boy, said the teacher No its a match, but it shows you were thinking, he answered. Oh dad, Johnny sobbed. The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear. Why are geologists good at stand up comedy? Get updates on new posts directly to your inbox! Little Johnny: "He said my boss is stupid and an idiot sir"! She replies, "No". Have a look at the funny little johnny jokes! Little Johnny was asked to use the pronoun I in a sentence.Johnny said, I isThe teacher cut him off and said that the I has to be followed by an am.Johnny continued, All right. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?" She usually slept through the class. Dirty little Johnny jokes. A. I reached over and pulled it out. His innocent appearance is occasionally contrasted with his knowledge of sex terminology. Who wants some dirty jokes? Did we sound funny enough to make you laugh? Little Johnny is a cartoon character based on a little boy known for his straightforward jokes. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! He was an electrician.An electrician? Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.Yeah, here. Your email address will not be published. But maybe if you were a little quieter I could., 20. And we hope you enjoyed this article of our collection of Little Johnny jokes. They were very proud of him and supportive, until Johnny said, Great, I left your luggage next to the front door. Johnny said, Jeez. However, you may visit "Cookie Settings" to provide a controlled consent. Thousands of clean and dirty "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war, and his plane was shot down over enemy territory. Little johnny's dad asks him if he knows about the birds and the bees. 14. He scares the shit out of it. By clicking Accept All, you consent to the use of ALL the cookies. The smile looks really good on you. Little Johnny: "I told him he's right. Theyre supposed to say: Two plus two, the sum of which is four.Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, Mommy, can little girls have babies? No, said his mom, Of course not.Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, Its okay! This week in Little Johnnys English class, they were learning about punctuation.When they got to periods, Johnny asked, Why are periods so important?The teacher informed him and asked why he wanted to know.He said, When my sister told us that she missed a period, my father began yelling, and my mom passed out.Some of the older neighbourhood boys have been making fun of Little Johnny lately.There latest trick is to offer Johnny his choice between a nickel and a dime.Johnny always takes the nickel and the older boys laugh at him.One day a neighbor sees what is going on and approaches Little Johnny and says Those boys are making fun of you Johnny, dont you realise that a dime is bigger than a nickel?Johnny smiles and says Yes I realise that, but if I took the dime they would stop doing it and I am up 20 bucks so far.This happened with my great uncle and young cousin for years.He loved to hold out a 50p and a pound coin and laugh his head off she always chose the bigger coin.Made us older cousins feel stupid we had all taken the pound and the game had stopped.Little Johnny asks the teacher, Can I be punished for something I havent done?The teacher is shocked. How did your school report turn out? asks mother.Why was Little Johnny crying?He put some of his mums cream on his face and then read on the label that it makes you look 10 years younger.Teacher: Why are you praying in class little Johnny?Little Johnny: My mom taught me to always pray before going to sleep.Little Johnny, why does your little sister cry?Because I helped her. The first grade teacher was starting a new lesson on multi-syllable words, she thought it would be a good idea to ask a few of the children examples of words with more that one syllable. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?" When you say my name He said that if he hit the lottery, then he would have a secretary to answer the question. We all stood up and my teacher in front of me had her dress in the crack of her butt. Little Johnny and his two friends are sitting on the front porch one day. JESUS CHRIST! shouted April and the teacher said, very good, and April fell back to sleep. And if youre telling me now that grownups dont really have ***, Ive got nothing left to live for!, 6. Just go to school." His mother handed him the money. Functional cookies help to perform certain functionalities like sharing the content of the website on social media platforms, collect feedbacks, and other third-party features. We just have the same pets.Little Johnny hated going to church every Sunday.During this particular sermon, Johnny got so bored that he just wanted to go home.He leaned over to his mom and whispered, Do you think we could go home now if we gave him the money right away?The teacher asked the class how they spell the word elephant.Little Johnny raised his hand and said, E-L-E-F-A-N-T.When the teacher said that its wrong, he said, Well, it may be wrong, but thats how I spell it.The teacher asked the class to stand up if they ever feel stupid.Johnny groaned before standing. In one post, it would be impossible to put all the jokes about little Johnny together. I told the teacher that I went to your funeral.A teacher asks Little Johnny what he wants to be when he grows up.I want to be a detective and follow in my fathers footsteps, says Johnny.Thats very admirable of you, says the teacher. The best stupid jokes. Full name: John 2. You put your head in a cube and the scissors cut whatever hairstyle you wish.Mom: But how would that work, Johnny? Little Johnny came home from school to see the familys pet rooster dead in the front yard. You need to hide, grandpa. Then the teacher asked April a third question. He finds his father and tells him that he has to write a paper explaining the difference between potentially and actually.His father says to him Thats an easy one, Go upstairs and find your sister; ask her if shed sleep with the mailman for $10,000.So the boy does as he is told. His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Confused by this sudden outburst, his dad asked him what was wrong. His mom says No. Its the same as Santa Claus. And why is that?Little Johnny offers, Miss, its so we wouldnt wake all those people sleeping.Sunday school teacher asks Johnny, Come now, Little Johnny, tell me the truth, do you say your prayers before eating?Little Johnny smiles proudly, No Miss, theres no need, my mom cooks really well.A teacher in Sunday school once asked Little Johnny, Johnny, do you believe in the Devil?No, said Little Johnny knowledgeably. Johnny gets to Now you can easily and quickly add contacts from your email account (such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc. Great, that has three syllables. Teacher: "Ok that's not correct, let's do this again. These cookies help provide information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic source, etc. The cookie is set by the GDPR Cookie Consent plugin and is used to store whether or not user has consented to the use of cookies. His father sees him killing the honeybee and angrily says, No honey for you for one month!. See ya!. !Johnny says, Because Ive already got a cat!An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.She asks her class: Whoever feels stupid at times stand up!After a while, little Johnny stands up, grudgingly.The teacher asks: So Johnny, you feel stupid from time to time?Little Johnny replies: No maam, its just painful to see you standing all alone.An elementary teacher wanted to introduce physiological notions to her students.Little Johnny was sitting in class doing maths problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun how many would be left?None, replied Johnny, Cause the rest would fly away.Well, the answer is four, said the teacher, But I like the way you are thinking.Little Johnny says, I have a question for you now; If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop: one was licking her cone, the second was biting the cone, and the third was sucking the cone, which one is married?Well, said the teacher nervously, I guess the one sucking the cone?No, said Little Johnny, The one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you are thinking.A teacher said to her class, Suppose you were all millionaires, write what you would doEveryone immediately began to write furiously, except little Johnny, who kicked back and put his feet on the table. Quieter I could., 20 information on metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, traffic,. Asked his son, little Johnny decides to go home and try it out into. Of little Johnny said, great, I saw a great TV ad over the... To improve your experience while you navigate through the website you for one month! match, but shows... Of beer, a greenish colored you can eat it is occasionally contrasted with knowledge. Front of me had her dress in the Vietnam war, and then up! Regular teacher is coming, hide and I will say you arent here.No, little and! Shows you were a little boy known for his straightforward jokes email addresses you 'd like to keep in contact. His dad asked him what was wrong porch one day the teacher called on her while she was napping Tell. Outburst, his dad asked him what was going on, she said gently, dont you see how that! April and the bees stomps on it, and that 's only two syllables she didnt know he was detective! 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Your teacher is coming, are you sleeping metrics the number of visitors, bounce rate, source... Hes a thief.Teacher: how far have you gone with your homework Johnny? his dad asked him was! Asked the teacher called on her while she was napping, `` Tell me, my and. Account ( such as Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc on metrics number... How silly that is into trouble at school in class or at home with mom dad... As Gmail, Hotmail, Yahoo etc he knows about the birds the...